How to stay happy in a relationship (2): Be Yourself
拍拖時我們都會想給對方一個好印象，行為舉子都會斯文大方有禮。但相處長久了，尤其是本身不是淑女紳士性格的人，就會漸漸鬆懈。結了婚，就更加變本加厲地露出真面目。所以，我們經常都會聽到人complain個老婆越來越不温柔，個老公越來越没情趣。
我覺得回到家要最relax，就不應再費精力去扮一個比自己更完美的人。兩個人要長期生活得快樂，就應以最真的一面面向對方。
當然，真面目有時都幾恐怖。我和老公兩個在家中的飯枱上會暴露盡不會在外面餐廳出現的table manner (or lack of manner, as the case may be)。每每出現核突動作後都會笑，話first date一定不會這樣behave，否則一定會是last date。因為大家都已接受了對方，所以好carefree好輕鬆。
我不能想像如果要我回到家時都要扮另一個我，或者還要顧及形象，那是一段多疲累的關係，怎樣可以長久。如果我是被有錢佬包起，我要靚靚去服侍米飯班主，就不同講法……我没有姿色没有資格没有機會亦不想試該滋味……
我會在老公面前展示最真的我。我的性格缺陷會表露無遺。這樣他可以更有效地提點我的不是，就好似一面effective的鏡子。就算没有身邊人指點，多些流露自己的真性情，也會多個機會自我觀察和檢討。在外面面對外人時，有時已不自覺得地掩飾了自己的缺點。要真正improve自己，就要對自己都夠真。
How to stay happy in a relationship (1): Be Thankful
不知不覺結了婚都好幾年了。我覺得婚姻生活好幸福。我今日比我初初拍拖，和比我嫁給Alan時更加愛他。肉麻點講，真的有每天愛你多一些的感覺。相對地，我們認識幾對跟我們同一年結婚的朋友，他們全部都已經離婚，或者已經關係破裂分居了。簡單看看朋友們的失敗例子，已顯然而知幸福不是必然。我有時都會想，除了pure luck外，我們so far so good，到底有甚麼elements呢？
我想寫一些blog，跟大家share一下How to stay happy in a relationship。
BE THANKFUL
我和Alan的相處之道，是never take things for granted。無論幾小的事，我們都會appreciate對方的effort，say “THANK YOU”。我覺得雖然是夫妻，但他幫我做了任何事，包括幫我拿重的物件，在家中換燈泡，出街食飯由他找數，這些表面上是男人應份做的事，我都會show my appreciation。理由很簡單，就是我不想他認為煮飯洗衫是女人應份做的事，他就不必appreciate我。我想人acknowledge my effort，我就先要懂得appreciate人。
除了實質上的事項，我們亦會多謝大家的時間。很多時過了一個enjoyable weekend或者evening，我們都會thank大家，作為一個好的company去spend time together。兩個人的時間都有限，各有各忙，各有各的興趣和社交生活。我們選擇一齊渡過時間，開心的話都是因為對方being there。他大可以自己去玩，不是結了婚就事必要entertain我。而且thank him for a good time，也會reinforece and remind自己真的好lucky，過着快樂的時光。
每逢過時過節，送禮物，我都十分之grateful。感謝的未必是收到的禮物，而是我們之間的默契。我是個practical and sensible的人，不會想在情人節收到overpriced的鮮花。這些無謂錢可以留給年紀輕的熱戀男女去花。我們試過去翠華食Valentine’s dinner，但依然好happy。因為我們都知道自己想要甚麼，有個good company，浪漫的餐廳環境不一定重要。
每一次say “THANK YOU”，我都會好開心有東西有事情讓我表示感謝。Be thankful，其實最終得益的都是自己！
揀個細心的男人做老公
港女有公主病，事事都要男朋友照顧周到，要人錫，要人就自己，這是一個不容置疑的典型。要做一個開心的公主，就一定要找個細心的男人做老公。
根據我的經驗，如果新郎會用心攪婚禮，而不是全部由新娘獨力攪掂的couple，他們都好似有商有量，看來開心一點。這種couple的wedding往往都是最sweet的。兩個人的事，兩個人都care，聽似應當，但又真的有不少「是但男」或者粗心大意的新郎，couldn’t care less。
我見過在結婚當日發脾氣，大叫要換禮服麻鬼煩的新郎……
我聽有個朋友講，他遇過一個新郎，没有攪清楚婚姻登記手續，就叫了在內地的女朋友來到香港，結果註册當日才知道原來他没有book過婚姻登記處，那天不能結婚，叫親戚朋友散band。如果你男朋友這樣，你話你仲夠唔夠胆守託終生？同這樣的男人生仔，你怕唔怕他留低個仔？
我上星期遇到一個超細心的準新郎，樣樣都想將最好的給女朋友，對女朋友無微不至。攪婚禮，揀honeymoon目的地，全都先考慮女友的喜惡。他告訴我他的求婚經過有多浪漫，拍拖多年如何對女朋友呵護備至，我真心的感受到他的女友有多幸福。見完他當日，我剛聽到容祖兒的「世上只有」，我不自覺地想到他女友。
講來講去，個男人幾靚仔有錢有地位都不是最緊要，最重要是找個對自己好，要識得如何對自己好的男人個老公！
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_H0OnCVjO4g
囍宴
我好喜歡見到人開心，所以好enjoy幫人證婚，話晒結婚都是人生的大喜事。我以為做婚姻監禮人是一個risk free的行業，guarantee接觸的人都開開心心，個個都笑容滿面。不過，原來都有例外，不一定次次都咁happy。
有一次我去個wedding，大排筵席，熱熱鬧鬧。賓客很多，但奇怪地笑臉很少。一到場，我就在reception介紹自己是證婚律師，一般情況，醒目的兄弟姊妹都會welcome我，帶我去見司儀或新人。我問誰是當晚司儀啦，各人只是一個推一個，没有人知道or care。我唯有自己入去，見到著晒禮服的，一定是新郎哥。那天是我第一次見他，我跟他握手恭喜他，他居然面無表情。我請他簽文件，他都没有望過我一眼。真是奇怪！
之前我見過新娘一次，她是一個十分之cool的人，見面成個鐘頭都没有笑過一次。我以為大婚之日她應該會歡容點啦，點知她都是一樣，我見她連和賓客合照時都是完全不笑的。
我覺得喜宴没有歡樂的氣氛是他們的事，或許是他們的style，我管不得那麼多。但我就不太喜歡他們所有伴郎伴娘兄弟姊妹的一個共通點，就是没有禮貎！我都未試過去一個wedding，由準備set台到禮成，幫他們打點東西，接觸過主婚人，戒指保管人，司儀，伴郎伴娘，兄弟姊妹等等，居然没有一個人跟我說過一次「唔該」。我有懷疑過是自己的問題，但後來又發現他們對我的表現又並無不滿，只不過是他們所有人都是同一個style。
臨走前，還要走個細路出來，用架玩具巴士打我。我可以說甚麼？唯有跟他講bye bye!
讚美的說話
工作了這麼多年，甚少試過客戶當面讚揚。可能因為律師費貴啦，做得好好似是應份的。做婚姻監禮人就不一樣，我經常都會遇上讚賞自己的人。上星期和一對新人傾rundown，傾了五分鐘，個準新郎就一味話我好好，一定會介紹我給其他人。我知這不是什麼大不了的事，但被人讚，人人都開心，我都覺得好有滿足感。始終結婚是開心的事，大家心情好，自然樣樣都覺得稱心如意。
這是一般律師工作不能給我的快樂。我之前所從事的企業融資工作，就算個客戶最終成功集資，賺到一大筆，但個過程一般都會經歷一番長期痛苦的鬥爭，還有一班律師為證明自己的存在價值去為爭嗌而爭嗌，絶對不是一個enjoyable的過程。到到最後客戶賺大錢，最多只會請律師去食餐listing dinner，叫我們陪他們慶祝項目完成。賺了，又不會加律師費。客戶所謂多謝中介機構，只不過是多謝我們幫他達到目的，而不是真的答謝我們為他的項目嘔心瀝血，賠上多少個不眠的晚上。
反之幫人證婚，新人會因為我的到來，為他們主持婚禮，然後由我去宣佈他們成為合法夫妻，他們會真的覺得我make a difference。可能因為我是真心enjoy成個過程，笑容可加，所以可以令新人不太緊張，就連些没有經驗的司儀都會很多謝我幫忙提點大小事項。
再一次證明我是一個不折不扣的女人，我喜歡聽讚美的說話！
Over-charged yet again…!
Not long ago I wrote a blog after being overcharged in a well-known supermarket. It wasn’t the first time either, so I reckoned it was time to go public, or as public as my blog reaches. Here’s the link if you would like to read my thoughts on that: http://www.morethanhoneymoon.com/blog/morethanblog.php/?p=225
I still doubt if everyone is checking their receipts each time they go shopping but there are good reasons to do so because I have yet again been over-charged, by the same outlet as the one referred to in the link above. And on this occasion I was over-charged for an item that I didn’t even purchase – Apples! [click title for more...]
Share will you….
Alan Dowling is now telling the fearbook world that he’s about to make pizza!! Actually, this blog entry started out as a ‘What’s on your mind? share comment’ on fearbook, known to everyone else as facebook, and then I asked myself, “Why the hell am I telling this mundane and worthless piece of information to the whole wide world?”.
Fearbook’s ‘What’s on your mind comments’ are a little bit like the first series of ’Big Brother’, a reality TV show of a particular kind of madness that so fascinated Britain and anyone in close enough proximity to receive Channel-4, during a long hot summer if I remember correctly – in this show contestants were put together in a house (the BIG Brother house) for a few weeks and got to air their laundry, so-to-speak in public, actually on ‘LIVE’ television, 24-hours a day, or as the Americans like to phrase it – 24/7, a particularly annoying three words for me, in a bid to be ‘BIG Brother’ champion. It attracted millions of viewers and literally took the nation (The UK) by the scruff of the neck, indeed by storm. Believe it or not, ’sane and sensible’ people sat at home late into the wee hours of darkness and during daylight hours in front of their TV sets to watch someone (a housemate) listen to a walkman or butter a piece of toast or fiddle with a can opener to rid a can of beans of its lid; viewers could also observe housemates talk about complete and utter cARp to one another and the nightowls stayed up late to observe people sleeping under a duvet or brushing their teeth. I was one of them all those years ago, on a sporadic basis, thanking the heavens that I didn’t succumb to the drug of addiction, that is ‘BIG brother’ reality TV… share will you…………. tell the world that you’re unhappy or ecstatic, that you’re in a new relationship with ‘Fantom Fok’ or ‘Kitchen Kwong’, or that you just broke up with your 7 week old fling called ‘Willie O’ Whatshisface’, share will you………. that you had a great night last night with someone you shouldn’t be seeing, or with someone you should be seeing, that you just ate the most delicious (but really very ordinary and possibly below par) muffin ever and that you drank the darkest of dark and the strongest of strong double espresso coffee from a particularly corporate cafe chain while having your cheeky facial grin photographed for all to see, or at the very least share in pornographic detail some poor quality photographs of a piece of cheesecake covered with fake raspberry fruit coulis that doesn’t have a best-before-date because it is fake, or a photo of an overcooked, over-greased and over-priced chicken wing – food porn of the highest ranking, edible porn… share will you…………. tell the world that you’re about to embark on the trip of a life time, or that you’re running late for work or that the mice can play today because the boss (the fat office cat with the leather chair) is away, or reveal that you think that you’re not impressed with someone or something when everything seemed to be going so smoothly or that the frown on peoples faces this morning wasn’t an accident but due to the Hang Seng Indexes slight overnight fall, or air your views and opinions on the weather – too hot and uncomfortable in summer and too cold and uncomfortable in winter, ‘it rains all the time here’, or write in the ‘What’s on your mind?’ box that you are about to embark on a 5 day trip in 18 days time to a spec of a country in Borneo’s north, a non-alcoholic country where in every 48-hour period any adult of voting age can bring into the sultanate, 12 cans of beer and 2 bottles of any rot gut imaginable, which in fact could easily make it the most alcoholic country on earth… share will you………… but before you start sharing every little trivial trinket of your everyday existance, I beg you to spare a thought for the tens of thousands killed and maimed in the devastating Haitian earthquake this week. Thanks for your attention… share will you…………
旅遊雜記
去年買了一本書叫「旅遊雜記」，是由一個旅遊分享網站發起，一班網友自資出版，每人按自己所佔的頁數合資，一嘗出書做作者的滋味。我在旅遊展時買這本書，有多個作者很落力地為讀者推介和簽名留念，我就即管買本以示支持。
本書有38個作者，每一個作者的風格都很不同。有的着重相片，有的重於精鍊的文筆，有的很嚴肅，有的很攪笑。有很多篇都是講日本和澳洲的遊歷，尤其是working visa的學生。
其中一篇最吸引到我注意的，是全本書最後一篇講非洲Tanzania行山的經歷。我自己一直都很想去Tanzania玩，所以看得特別專注，特別感受到作者爬山時的struggle和到達山頂時的興奮。讀完那一篇文章後，有兩頁是作者的朋友說很想念他，再翻去下一頁，有一段後記，說到該文章的作者在本書出版之前去內蒙古做義工，回港途中遇上交通意外身亡。看到那後記的那一刻，我好shock，個心一沉。我都記得內蒙古義工車禍的新聞，但估不到就是那個作者。我再翻看他的相片，他多麼年輕啊！
生命就是那麼脆弱！一個又fit又活躍的人，遇上意外，話死就死。真是命運的安排，誰能猜得到？一個有善心熱心去做義工的年青人，結果死於異鄉，實在太令人婉惜。
世事真的難料，今日擁有的都不知何時會失去，所以就更不必强求不必worry about未擁有未曾得到過的。反而應該多多珍惜眼前人，珍惜一切事物。因為命運要將他／她／它／牠從你手中拿走時，可以全無先兆，一下子就失去。忽然想到古巨基愛得太遲的歌詞……
Visa card foreign exchange charge
Last year when we travelled to Japan we hired a car and paid by credit card, as usual. When we saw the car that we booked, we found it’s too big and unenvironmental for our needs compared to the other ultra mini Japanese cars on the roads. We decided to change to a smaller car. The car hire company refunded the first car hire credit card payment and then charged us for the second smaller car.
When we received our credit card statement, we quickly noted that the Hong Kong dollar equivalent for the credit card credit entry for the refund was about 5% less than the credit card debit entry for the car hire, even though the Japanese Yen value was the same. We called the bank to query and as expected, found out that the 5% is the buy/sell foreign exchange rate difference. We were literally paying money for the refund process but it wasn’t apparent when we looked at all our credit card receipts in Japanese Yen.
Luckily, the bank did not hesitate in making the exchange rate adjustment and refunded us the difference without any hassle.
So here is a lesson to learn: beware of using credit card to refund because you might be charged inadvertently. If you do use your credit card for any foreign exchange refund, make sure you check your credit card statement afterwards – for these unexpected charges.